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Nancy of Mesquite Country:

May 17, 2012

Of Monitors and Meals

When Fang was a boy growing up, his parents often sat their children down to a meal of cornbread and milk for supper. Fang was not particularly fond of that meal when he was a young person and once told his dad that he would never eat that stuff when he got old enough to choose his own food. Well, guess what one of his favorite foods is now! Tastes and appetites definitely change with age and circumstances. Even English peas make it to my own list of preferred foods now!

Foods change, too, but our taste buds must change with our body chemistry when we are ill or going through different kinds of stress. Fang has craved some really strange things lately. One day he wanted sweet gherkins, pickled beets, and strawberries with ice cream. That combination might ring a bell with any pregnant woman. Our daughter-in-law Tracy smiled when she heard the menu of the day and then made the comment that her step-father was having surgery to remove part of a diseased intestine so that his incision looked like a C-section, so she had one pregnant father-in-law and one step-father that was having a C-section. Leave it to her to find a good laugh for us!

When Tracy got a picture of Ray’s incision and the marks the nurses had made to outline the different areas of concern, she showed the colorful picture to Fang. Of course, Fang came up with his own funny of the day: he wanted Ray to know that he was glad that he had come through the surgery with flying colors! It is so much fun having folks around who have a sense of humor.

Today Tracy and I moved some furniture around so that it would be easier to get Fang from one room to another in the wheelchair. We moved a file cabinet that is heavy enough for the front-end loader and put it in the half-bath room along with some extra supplies that folks have left for us. Now the cabinet sits with its back to the floor-to-ceiling bookcase. On its top we stacked the equivalent of a case of paper towels and toilet tissue. All things considered, paper products are just as helpful in our situation as extra food for all the family coming in to visit. No one should have to run to the store for potty paper around here for quite some time. And the supply of paper plates and Styrofoam cups will give the dishwasher its own sabbatical. We may produce more trash for the landfill during this time, but at least the time at the kitchen sink has been reduced considerably.

Fang can still sit on a stool in the shower, so he is doing his own shaving. When I think of how my legs turn out at times, I am so glad that he can still shave himself. I either miss things or scrape the hide off—rather like my driving. Well, so far I have only backed the truck into the trailer and bent the license plate. It could have been worse. But hide grows back, generally. Fenders are a bit more complicated. Fang teases me when I bump into curbs or run over them by telling me that I am going to ‘bruise’ his tires. At least I try to be more gentle with him than I am with his truck. I have even been giving him a back rub to relieve some of the tension and pain. The lotion feels good to him and he does not even pull his feet back when I rub them between the toes and on his in-step. I guess this is as close as he has ever come to having a full body massage. In my estimation, everyone deserves some extra body touching when illness makes it difficult to endure time and circumstances. Even fresh sheets on the bed each day can make a difference in how one’s body feels overall.

Our daughter was talking to Tracy today and thanking her for staying with me this week to help. Tracy reminded Jennifer that Lewis would—and HAS—done the same for her. Once when Tracy got food poisoning, Fang drove down to Saginaw to keep the children company while she recuperated. He thoroughly enjoyed playing with the little ones, but in order to put Rachel to sleep, he put her in the swing outside and gently pushed her until she fell asleep. He was SO proud of himself for getting her to sleep! Of course, she did have just a little bit of sunburn on her little arms and legs. Fang was totally mortified by his mistake! But tough old Paw Paws are still the most special folks for grands. Rachel has always thought that her Paw Paw was one of the best playmates around. He would go lie down on her bedroom floor and partake of her latest ‘cooking’ or play whatever interested her at the time. His time was hers, and that made him her special friend.

In the background the baby monitor helps me keep tabs on Fang’s breathing and moving. Technology has provided many benefits to the modern mother—or to the nurses of today. I can drop whatever I am doing—literally—to go to him if he needs something. Hospice has provided so much to make it easier for us that I am amazed. Of course, it would help if I understood better how to use at least the more complicated devices. The oxygen was a simple matter. The wheelchair, however, was almost beyond my mechanical abilities. Today we finally managed to get it set up so Fang could use it and even learned how to re-fold it. However, even though between Tracy and me we have three master’s degrees, neither of us had sense enough to take the brake off to wheel Fang to the living room! Yes, we got him there, but it would have been SO much easier with BOTH the brakes off. And yes, we have been giggling at ourselves over that one. We were wondering if we were candidates for compassionate degree conferrals in engineering. We can move a quarter ton of steel file cabinet, but can barely make it from one end of the house to the other on wheels!

This morning Fang wanted a cherry Popsicle and we only had orange, grape, and pineapple, so I went to Wally World and picked up cherry Popsicles, milk, and a honey dew melon—among other things. When I got home, Tracy met me at the truck to help unload and stood there a moment and said, “Now what would Lewis say? Oh, yes, did you LEAVE anything for anyone else?” Fang liked that one!

This spring when I planted the garden, it seemed the little crooked neck squash took forever to even sprout. But now we have tiny little squash—or at least we DID have them. I picked every tiny one down to the blooms and made fried squash for Fang this evening. He loves fried squash, and fresh squash is SO much better than anything out of the store. I can’t quite rush the beets and tomatoes that much, but at least he got to sample the squash.

While I was at the store, the nurse came and brought some morphine pills because the other stuff Fang has taken for the past two weeks was not quite taking care of the pain. Life is so uncertain, but danged ole death is not only certain, it even makes living into one of those ‘hold your breath’ affairs. Even though I made up my mind to make sure that I had ‘no regrets’ about what we do during this journey and I do know that God is handling the details, I feel that life is suddenly rushing at and from me and this man I love. Each day is precious. Each ‘I love you’ is even more precious day by day. It’s hard to breathe with this heartache, but at least I can still be there for him and make him smile for a minute or two. We are blessed with this love even now.

Visit Nancy's article archives for all her columns.

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